Parenting Guide

After a month of school, is your kid still finding it hard to adjust?

Published by SchoolAdvisor | Feb 02, 2017

With homeworks and various tuition classes, school can be stressful for some children. How can we show support to our little ones? By Theresa Belle   

Preparing for a new chapter

Children returning to school experience a mixed bag of emotions. While the new year of learning could be an exciting prospect, students must mentally prepare themselves for a new chapter of education.When it comes to kids transitioning from kindergarten to primary school or primary to secondary school, it is common for many to experience anxiety – in fact, many parents find themselves nervous at the beginning of a new schooling chapter, too.In extreme cases, these anxieties can complicate the orientation and adjustment process, turning into an outright refusal to go to school. 

Keep your cool

School refusal is never a straightforward issue, but it is often a manifestation of a child’s fear of the unknown. The changes in routine, environment and crowd affect every child’s ability to cope in varying degrees.Anticipating your child’s reaction to academic transitions begins with knowing your child, including their personality and preferences. Karen Lim, licensed and registered counsellor with experience in guiding parents and their children, advises parents to pay attention to their child’s thoughts and ideas about school to gauge their emotions.“Children might be able to share their thoughts but not necessarily how they feel, depending on how comfortable they feel about sharing, whether they are able to relate to their own feelings or whether they have the vocabulary to express them,” she says.For example, while a child beginning preschool may experience anxiety being away from their parents, they may have different worries when the time comes to transition to primary school, including longer hours, stricter rules, and more homework.Parents, too, can be anxious about their children starting a new chapter in their lives, but must be careful to not transfer their own anxieties to their children. Preconceived ideas about school largely stem from what is communicated by adults – if parents are too cautious and overbearing, the child might get the impression that school is a scary place that they need to be protected from. 

Shine a guiding light

When the time came for the younger of her two children to start primary school, Sasikala Kernasamy was not as worried as she was with her first child. On the first day of school, she was present to help her son adjust to the different routine and mealtimes from his time in kindergarten.“I was more nervous for my older daughter as I was unsure how she would handle the transition, but when it came to my son, he was already excited to join school with his sister,” says Sasikala, elaborating that having a sibling in the school can make children more confident and familiar in the new environment.She relates meeting parents whose children were attending primary school for the first time on that day, many of whom were more nervous than their young ones.“Children can handle themselves and make friends better than we think,” she says.Preparing children for school begins in early childhood with lessons on independence. Lim opines that parents should create opportunities for children to do things on their own, even if they tend to take longer or create a mess.Eating on their own, washing dishes, and helping with household chores affirms a child’s abilities in contributing to the family, which instils a sense of responsibility.These teachable moments can be used to engage with children. According to Azman Atan, general manager of The children’s house, it is important for parents to engage with their children to be a part of their learning process as bonding time is crucial to holistic development.“Parents should start conversing with children at home and on the way to school about all the good things they will experience and discover in school. They should cooperate with teachers when it's time to ‘let go’ and allow the children to settle in gradually – each child adapts differently at their own pace, so parents and teachers will need to be patient,” says Azman.Parents also have a part to play in ensuring their child is ready for school every day, both mentally and physically.“When the child is sick, we truly encourage parents not to send them to school. The best way to recover and prevent the spread of germs is by allowing the child to have ample rest at home,” says Azman. 

Creating a safe space

Creating a space conducive to learning is the responsibility of every school board. The standard of learning and sports tools and resources, furniture and fittings, and even food, can greatly influence how comfortable children feel in their new environment.“It would help for teachers to orient children and brief parents on schedules, rules and regulations, and more, to allow better preparation. This might also help lower anxiety levels,” Lim opines.When new students arrive, teachers who make the effort to introduce themselves and connect with them encourage them to speak up in creative manners. Lim says this is important to open channels of communication between student and teacher.This also applies to teenagers beginning a higher level of education in secondary or high school – they would have to cope with longer schooling hours, more homework, challenging classes and stricter rules. Some may even lose friends they spent most of their formative years with, placing them in an awkward position socially.“These students are also going through developmental changes in the transition from childhood to adulthood, including physical, cognitive, emotional, and neurological,” says Lim.“It would therefore serve children well if parents and teachers accept how they feel, and address their emotions by seeking to understand and be available for them. This is the kind of support that would make their children come to them in moments of need.”Lim shares that the role of the teacher should be an extension of that of the primary caregiver at home – to uphold safety through clear boundaries and consequences, and loving them by educating from their hearts.“Know your child, prepare them enough, and then stand back and let them embrace the new – but be ready to be available to listen and comfort when they need you to,” she says.